Illustration By Gustave Dore (Wikimedia Foundation Inc.2006)

Recently the death of Little Red Riding Hood’s Grandmother has hit the news headlines around the world as being one of the most gruesome murders in history. People have been asking “who is Little Red Riding Hood, the girl rumoured to have eaten her Grandmother then hopped into bed naked with a werewolf!?” Reporter Orenstein raised some the issues of ‘cannibalism, sexuality, defecation, mistaken identity and an encounter in bed with a dangerous foe,’ in an article she wrote about this horrific event (Orenstein 2002: 69). Oral tales have been popping up everywhere, but finally we have the REAL story.

Detective Jack Zipes was the police officer first at the scene and this is his report of the happenings of the night from key eye witnesses.

Detective Zipes stated in a recent conference that ‘it is time the true history of this seductively innocent girl be revealed.’

Report by Detective Jack Zipes:

Little Red Riding Hood (LRRH) left her mother on the morning of this gruesome event with a hot loaf and a bottle of milk for her Grandmother.

An anonymous eye witness saw her talking to a ‘bzou’ or werewolf at the crossway but thought nothing of it when the werewolf took the path of the pins and Little Red Riding Hood took the opposite path, the path of the needles.

The following is the interview between myself, Detective Zipes, and the innocent victim Little Red Riding Hood:

D.Z: What exactly were you talking about?

LRRH: He was quite friendly actually, all he wanted to know was where I was going and which path I was taking.

D.Z: Did you tell him where you were going?

LRRH: Yes, I said I was off to Granny’s and was taking the path of the needles so he went the opposite way.

D.Z: What happened when you got to your Grandmother’s house?

LRRH: Well Grandmother told me to push the door open because she said it was barred by a piece of straw. I told her I had some bread and milk for her and she told me to out them in the cupboard and help myself to the meat and wine that was there.

D.Z: What happened next?

LRRH: Well the wolf told me … well I thought it was Granny, to undress myself and lie down beside her.

D.Z: Did you do exactly this?

LRRH: Yes (sobs quietly) I thought it was Granny you see!

D.Z: And it never occurred to you that it was odd for your Grandma to ask you to strip off and lie naked with her?

LRRH: No! I would do anything for my beloved Granny!

D.Z: What happened next?

LRRH: She told me to throw my apron in the fire with the rest of my clothes because I will no longer need them.

D.Z: Did you find this peculiar:

LRRH: Yes, very peculiar, that’s when I started getting curious. Then in bed Granny was so hairy, with such big nails, shoulders, ears, nostrils and mouth. Which she said was all the better to eat me with!

D.Z: Did the werewolf then attack?

LRRH: Well no, once I had realised what had happened I told the werewolf I had to go outside and relieve myself so he tied a rope around my foot but I just tied it around the plum tree and once outside I ran all the way home!

Homicide findings found that the werewolf had murdered Little Red Riding’s Grandmother before her arrival. The werewolf put some of Grandmother’s meat in the cupboard and bottled some of her blood, which consequently Little Red Riding Hood had eaten and drank on request of the wolf. Forensics however tested traces of the left over meet and ‘wine’ and DNA results confirmed them to be that of the deceased Grandmother.

The wolf will be put to trial for the murder of the Grandmother and attempted murder of Little Red Riding Hood.

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©2006 StewartShanley