Diana Wynne Jones
Victor Gollanz 2005
If you are planning a major quest through Middle Earth, Narnia or DiscWorld, have concerns about that magic sword or cloak of invisibility lying in the cupboard, or just wonder about the evolution of elves or the absence of toilet stops in fantasy stories, then this is the book for you!
In The Tough Guide to Fantasy Land Diana Wynne Jones, one of Britain’s leading fantasy writers, has created a brilliant and hilarious traveller’s guide in the style of Santo Cilauro’s Phaic Tan and Molvania. Everything the unwary quester needs to know about Dark Lords (inevitable), Rings of Power (avoid them like the plague!), the plague (hideously blotching) and stew at wayfarers’ inns (indescribable) is set out alphabetically to guide you through Fantasy Land.
All the clichés about doughty warriors, secret spells, citadels on mountain passes, slave maidens and companions with secrets, are explored and explained. More down to earth information for the Fantasy traveller is also provided – underwear, escaping from quicksand, barbarian hordes, weather, dealing with dragons, and sensing the taint of evil.
Jones cuts through the clichés with well placed satirical strokes – she notes that, despite a diet solely of waybread and stew, no-one ever gets scurvy, so assumes that travellers absorb Vitamin C through their skin. Describing how horses never go into heat half way through a journey, she concludes that Fantasy Land horses must breed by pollination.
The Tough Guide to Fantasy Land is a brilliant satire, especially as it comes from a leading author in that style of novel. Fantasy lovers must read it to appreciate their favourites much more, and Fantasy haters should read it just for the fun.
Review by David Beagley
© 2005 David Beagley
