Breaking Down Barriers.

Summary of keynote address by Suzana Murni, Indonesia,
deliverd at the Opening Ceremony, 5 October 2001.

My dear friends, ladies and gentlemen, I am very happy to be here with you all today and for the next five days in this special gathering, the Sixth ICAAP. I am proud to share this moment with passionate and inspiring AIDS activists and volunteers, leading scientists, doctors and nurses, committed government officials a people representing the business sector, and people living with HIV � the warriors. I am grateful for this opportunity, for my own health that allows me to stand before you now.

Until two months ago, I was pessimistic and doubtful I could ever make it to Sixth ICAAP, deliver this speech, or do anything at all. I was never completely healthy in the last one year, and a few times I was really ill, and I was losing weight. Until a few friends put their money and energy together to get me on drugs. Actually this word "drugs" has always been on my mind ever since I knew that there was one, maybe one year after my diagnosis in 1995. Just like other people with a disease, I also want to be treated. It's normal. But what I learned about the drugs kept me from starting it. First of all, it is way too expensive. Monthly, it would cost me much more than I earn. Secondly, I understand that there are side effects and to use the drugs needs proper monitoring. Viral load testing in available in one place only in Jakarta. Besides expensive, it is not always available due to lack of client who can afford it. Doctors who are willing to spend their time to catch up with the latest developments are also rare, besides the few committed ones. So I guess those are reasons enough for me not taking it.

I was getting a little more excited about drugs when I heard that the combination are more simple and people are going back to work because of it. But still I kept telling myself "no, I don't want to be a guinea pig" or "no, I can't start the drugs, I won't have anything left to sell after 6 months. I guess it was my excuse to make myself feel better, because in my heart there is always that hope that never dies. I just want to stay healthy as long as I can. I felt it much more strongly after I adopted my son, one and a half years ago. I took him not just for fun playing with a baby, but I have an obligation. I want to raise him and take care of him as long as I can. I want to live long enough to take him to school, see him grow, take him interesting places.